Most of my life I’ve surrounded myself with people who lead me down a path that I simply should not have been on.

I consider myself lucky to even be here right now and I am forever grateful to be given the opportunity to turn my life around. I try my best not to blame others for the way that they choose to live their life; we are a product of our own environments and we all have our reasons for choosing to do the things that we do. However, in my case, choosing to go along with the crowd or worse yet, choosing to surround myself with those who follow questionable moral values caused a great deal of damage to my mental, physical & spiritual health and it hurt those who were closest to me.

There’s something good that comes out of all of this however and that is taking those lessons and putting them into use now. I’ve learned that it is okay to walk the path alone if negative influences are going to lead you astray. Taking some time for myself to work on inner healing was one of the best choices that I could have made because it allowed me to slowly root out all of the weeds, metaphorically speaking, that were entangling themselves in my mind and in my heart. Sometimes it is simply a matter of perspectives; it’s not about isolating yourself, but it’s about having respect for yourself and not allowing the choices of others to affect you. It’s okay to agree-to-disagree with someone and walk away; as long as we are trying our best to be constructive, rather than destructive, that is often the best that we can do.

Although I’ve studied other religions and skimmed the surface of Jesus’ teachings throughout most of my adult life, it is only recently that I have fully aligned myself with Jesus and have begun to truly practice the Christian faith. The benefit of studying other belief systems, for me personally, was that it allowed me to take a hard look at the truths that have stuck around throughout time and which of those align with Jesus’ teachings. I believe that at this time in my life, it is all-the-more important that I take into account who I am surrounding myself with and maybe more importantly: What kind of a person am I being? Am I being a good friend, a good family member, a good wife and a good example to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? Am I treating those who follow different belief systems with respect? Am I inspiring others to do the same? “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Are my thoughts, beliefs and actions aligned with the teachings of Jesus? If he was physically by my side, what would he tell me was the right thing to do?

At times, we simply don’t even realize whether what we are doing is right or wrong; we are only human at the end of the day. However, it is important to remember that there are people out there who actively prey on others and wish to do harm so we must be vigilant in protecting ourselves and those closest to us. We see this play out in our daily lives, but it also happens many times within the church itself. “Just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions” (Matthew 7:20). “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him (Matthew 12: 35). The influence of one person can corrupt many others. There is hope, however, if we pause to take a look on the other side of that coin. The courage of even just one person to stand up against false and harmful ideals can also inspire and encourage others to do the same. I hope to be a part of the latter group and that is why it is so important to question the intentions of myself and those who I am surrounding myself with and learning from.

I would like to use a real-life example for a moment, although it does not directly relate to faith in particular. Music has always played a very important role in my life and one person whose story has always held significance to me is that of Tupac Shakur. The more that I learn about his life by reading his stories, lyrics and poems; as well as listening to interviews that he has taken part of in the past- I realize that he yearned for justice, harmony, love and peace but often his lyrics showed the opposite. His death was the ultimate price to pay for the danger of surrounding ourselves with violent leaders and with friends whose values may not be in the right place. It also highlights the importance of taking stock of our own thoughts and actions. Although I cannot verify this story with absolute certainty, I recently learned that after his death, his body was cremated and his friends allegedly rolled his ashes into a blunt and smoked them. We simply must be better at choosing who we associate ourselves with. At the very least, we ourselves should strive to be a living, breathing example of respect in the hope that it may inspire someone else.

I personally use the list below to identify whether someone, in my opinion, is in alignment with the ideals of God and it helps me to determine if they are going to lead me down the right path or not. I would never expect anybody to check each and every box, however it is a good way to put things into perspective. I constantly have to ask myself these questions as well; am I falling into the trap of old thoughts and patterns that no longer serve me? Everybody is capable of change, so none of these are set in stone unless we allow them to be. I will do my best to back up my points with scripture, however a couple of these points are simply problems that we face in our modern world that didn’t exist in biblical times or perhaps were not considered by the majority of people. Many of these points are merely lessons that I have learned throughout my life or I have observed in the lives of others that I think are important to take note of:

  • Do they/am I acting in benefit of the greater good or are their/my actions rooted in ego and selfish desires? We are all simply one part of the whole and need to work together in accordance with the strengths that God has gifted us with. Ponder for a moment: Could we build a house on our own? Doing so would be nearly impossible for even the most skilled carpenter who would need an extra hand from time-to-time. Another great example would be to see how each part of our physical body plays a role in creating unity with the rest of the system. The heart and the lungs do not tell each other that one is more important than the other; they simply form a cooperative relationship which benefits the whole. Additional strength is given to every member by working in cooperation with one another.

“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body and each member belongs to all the others.” (Romans 12:3-5 NIV)

“Speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” (Ephesians 4:15-16 NIV)

  • Do they/am I turning to God for answers or seeking human knowledge and perspectives, which are limited by nature? It is okay to ask others for help, but it is also important to understand that we are all only capable of understanding a limited view of the whole picture. Even the most righteous person has shortcomings.

“Until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ, then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.” (Ephesians 4:13-14 NIV)

“For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. As it is written: ‘He catches the wise in their own craftiness’ and again ‘The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile.” (1 Corinthians 3:19-20 NKJV)

  • Do they devote time to their faith? Do they read and understand scripture; are they willing to learn? Can they see the bigger picture or do they get overly caught up cherry picking verses to prove a point; am I doing the same? Are we putting our faith into action?

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6 NIV)

“The Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8 NLT)

“’Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ [And] Jesus replied to him ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’” (Matthew 22:36-39 AMP)

  • Do they acknowledge Jesus, speak the truth of his name and walk in his footsteps? Is someone creating a barrier-to-entry in regards to helping others learn about who he was and what his teachings were truly about?We must consider that some people simply do not have access to Jesus’ teachings or lived before his time. God has revealed himself to humanity in many instances throughout history; if God determined that somebody was righteous, faithful, and obedient, we must assume that he will grant his graces to them. We see this play out, for example, in the stories of The Old Testament such as those of Noah, Abraham, Job, Esther, Solomon and Moses. We as Christians should do our best to make sure that everybody can hear and understand Jesus’ message and that no one be left without access to it.

“For since the creation of the world, God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.” (Romans 1:20 NIV)

“But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek with all your heart and with all your soul.” (Deuteronomy 4:29 NIV)

  • Do they/do I give to others without expectation; willing to help someone in need? Can I find ways to volunteer my time; are those around me willing to do the same?

“Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous, willing to share [with others]. In this way storing up for themselves the enduring riches of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life” (1 Timothy 6:18-19 AMP).

“Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24 NIV)

  • Do we have a thankful spirit or are we constantly seeking more, particularly in matters of wealth and status?

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV)

“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man [who places his faith in wealth or status] to enter the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:25 AMP)

  • Is someone using/abusing drugs and/or alcohol? These attachments open the doors to and heighten deception and cloud one’s judgement and discernment.

“Therefore, see that you walk carefully [living with honor, purpose, and courage; shunning those who tolerate and enable evil], not as the unwise, but as wise [sensible, intelligent, discerning people], making the very most of your time, because the days are filled with evil. Therefore, do not be foolish and thoughtless but understand and fully grasp what the will of the Lord is. Do not get drunk with wine, for that is wickedness, but be filled with the [Holy] Spirit and constantly guided by Him.” (Ephesians 5:15-18 AMP)

  • Is my heart pure? Can I look at the world through the eyes of a child or have ‘worldly’ ideals polluted my mind? It’s easy to overlook the fact that sometimes the simplest of solutions may be what is best for us.

“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 18:3 NIV).

  • Do we value human dignity (the worth of every individual regardless of differences)? Do we foster respect among others and treat others with empathy and kindness?

“Therefore, become imitators of God [..]; and walk continually in love [that is, value one another- practice empathy and compassion, unselfishly seeking the best for others], just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us as an offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:1-2 AMP)

  • What are their family values? Do they spend time with and care for them? Do they respect their elders? How do they treat and speak of/to their mother, father, siblings, significant other, children (if applicable)? Do they understand the role that they play in the family dynamic?

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8 NIV)

  • Do our actions speak louder than our words? Are we practicing what we preach? Are we walking in the example that Jesus set for us?

“Don’t let anyone look down on you […] but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love in faith and in purity.” (1 Timothy 4:12 NIV)

“So prepare your minds for action, be completely sober [in spirit- steadfast, self-disciplined, spiritually and morally alert], fix your hope completely on the grace [of God] that is coming to you when Jesus Christ is revealed.” (1 Peter 1:13 AMP)

  • Am I gossiping about or slandering others? Making others feel bad about themselves? Are the people that I’m surrounding myself with doing these things?

“Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.” (Ephesians 5:4 NIV)

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV)

“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgement for every empty word they have spoken.” (Matthew 12:36 NIV)

  • Do we care for and value all of God’s creations (humans, animals, nature)?
  • Do we take care of our physical health and respect the body/vessel that we have been gifted with by God? In my own personal experience, those who take care of their physical health are far more likely to be disciplined in other areas of their life. When we take care of our physical health, the body and mind work together as a much stronger team.
  • Are we taking care of our mental health? Have we devoted time to inner healing? Are there any lingering attachments to sin (i.e. anger, lust, greed, pride, etc.)?
  • Are we living, acting and speaking from a mindset of fear? Does someone use fear tactics to sway others? Are they forceful in their words or do they talk with tact and reason?
  • How does someone treat the so-called “outcasts” and the “underprivileged” of society or those that they consider to be below them? Are we overly concerned with labels? How do we treat those who belong to other religions, nationalities, the opposite sex, etc.? How do we treat those who look, act and talk differently? What is most important is that we seek the true will of God, not label and demean others. We are all human and will fall short of God’s glory no matter what our ‘label’.
  • Is somebody or am I quick to “take sides”? Quick to jump into a fight or combative in their words and actions? Do we have the ability to see the perspectives of others? Can we walk a mile in someone else’s shoes?
  • What is someone’s view on violence? Do they often watch violent tv shows, movies and video games; Listen to violent music? These can all deeply affect our unconscious minds without even realizing it and all too often it can be very hard to untangle these images and words from our own thoughts and actions.
  • Do we value peace, harmony, forgiveness and justice? Will we seek peace even at the cost of losing what is important to us? Will we go against the grain even when no one else will understand? Look at the example of great leaders such as Jesus, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and countless others.
  • Do we understand the importance of showing respect for the dead, letting them rest in peace, providing them with a proper burial, etc.? Do we speak ill of those who have passed on? In my humble opinion, even those who have wronged us still deserve forgiveness and prayer. Remember that they do not have a voice of their own and we may simply not understand why they chose to act a certain way in this life.
  • Do our friends and the people we surround ourselves with challenge us to be better versions of ourselves? Are we willing to learn lessons from our own and from others’ experiences or do we remain inflexible and stuck in our own ways?
  • Can I give up the things that are holding me back from being the best version of myself? Will I give up what is closest to my heart, especially if it will benefit somebody else?

On a final note, it’s important to remember that we are not alone on our journey even though it might not always feel that way. We also have the power to pray in Jesus’ name for discernment and guidance; and even though answers may not always come immediately, if we are patient and have faith, the truth will reveal itself in time. Until then, we can simply rest in God’s love, knowing that he truly knows what is best for us.

<Home